Beauty and the Beast

I’m not kidding when I Googled this, the Arrow poster was the third picture that came up…because it’s the same person

This show sparked my interest naturally because it is a CW show and clearly that is what this blog thrives on.  Anyway, the billboard confused me a bit because I couldn’t believe how much Jay Ryan looks like Stephen Amell in Arrow (post on that one coming shortly).  Knew CW was into the actor recycling but same guy on two pilots…that’s just crazy! Anyway, now that I know it’s two different people, let’s get into it.

Could they not get an actual raccoon animal to jump out of the trash can and scare Kristin Kreuk?  Was an overly speedy CGI version necessary?  Seems like an insane waste of money if you ask me.  But, clearly no one is asking me because if they were, half these shows wouldn’t get made in the first place.

I’m already a little confused by this show — her mom couldn’t be less believable as that role, these apparent ‘killers’ shoot her mom dead on repeatedly, but can’t shoot her from even closer distance while she is still and pinned up against the car, and ‘Beast’ looks like Frankenstein.  This was a VERY aggressive cold opening.  I wonder how many viewers were instantly lost.

Cut to present day, where instead of following the path to be a lawyer, Kristin Kreuk is apparently a detective who drives a silver Dodge Charger? hmm. Then we have the opening scene of Friends with Benefits where Mila Kunis shows up at the movie theater only to be dumped, which is weird on several levels, the highest being OMG Kristin Kreuk looks so much like Mila Kunis.  And also, after this is over, I’m going to the costume store to buy a police badge of my own, go to a public place, flash the badge at security, then accuse some random person of having pot, flip my hair and strut off, and make sure I get a phone call on cue…. Since apparently that is how you get someone arrested and win a break up.  Thanks, CW!

Okay, I’m really not trying to be sexist, but there is NO WAY that two super model police detectives would be allowed to be partners and just go out fighting crime together with a collective 200 pounds soaking wet between them… (**if they even exist in the first place).  I’d love to meet the police consultant on that one.

I’d also like to have a conversation with the voice coach consulting on New York accents this fall television season. NO ONE talks like that seriously.

I’m sorry, aren’t you police detectives, do you seriously mean to tell me that when researching someone in a homicide case, you just GOOGLE them?  I didn’t realize the general public had access to federal databases.  I thought Google was just a search engine.  Silly me.  Speaking of, doesn’t just saying the word Google breach the CW/Bing partnership (hostile takeover) contract?

“Did she have a husband, boyfriend, lesbian lover?”……Although I assume that was meant to be humorous when speaking of who to contact and accuse of murder, What happened to family?  Could we just start with the basics here?  But, thank you CW for throwing in a super PC comment and making your show look “up with the times.”

What a realistic police headquarters in a high rise apartment…

“Did you clock the stairs?” “Too bad creepy digs isn’t grounds for a warrant, but.. maybe if you hooked up him?….”  And THAT is why they don’t let models be police officers. And on that note, I am going to confirm that the police consultants/fact checkers have NOT been brought on yet.  Maybe now that the show premiered, they will hire someone and make these situations the slightest bit more accurate.

I really wanted to somehow think of a clever reference or link to Beastly…but that would force me to think about Vanessa Hudgens for more than 0.12 seconds and I don’t know if my brain can handle that level of offensiveness.

Okay so Kristin Kreuk (still not sure what her character’s name is) just has some sort of understanding and connection with Beast/Vince, so let’s him off the hook? Yeah, no, I think this makes sexist example three in this post for why women shouldn’t be detectives — emotions flying left and right here.

Did anyone else’s screen go black for a solid minute? Seriously, CW between this and the “instapic” frame you forced upon me in the beginning of Vampire Diaries the other day, you really need to tell your programming people to get it together.

I can’t decide which is worse, an ominous musical score being louder than Kristin Kreuk’s raspy way-to-seductive-for-this-situation voice, or an inappropriate Carly Rae Jepsen song.

It’s super lucky Kristin has such a spidey-sense for fake homeless people turned killer, and that she has a creepy beast for a stalker.  But weirdly spidey-sense seems to fail her when recognizing a subway car coming directly at her.

I think there are some plot development issues happening here.  Like NO WAY is she just totally okay with Beast and his back story all of the sudden. And now are they like in love?  And she already has trouble leaving him as he yells at her to go? I just feel like they took a huge leap on that one.

Okay, I’m just going to need to never see ‘morphing beast’ again.  Add to list of “things I’d like to un-see.”

Just a suggestion, if you are pretending to be dead and so concerned with people finding you, try locking your doors, or even just shutting them.  It appears they live in a place that’s an open air free for all.  And excuse me, is Kristin headed off to prom after she does this random little drive-by?

So she narrates via her journal/letters addressed to her dead mom at the end of the episode… I feel like I’ve seen this before, CW…  But then again when you create such a success as Vampire Diaries after quite a few flops, why not try to re-create it.