Hart of Dixie S2E2: Bluebellapalooza.. Something from My Worst Nightmare

Oh Hart of Dixie, my favorite dose of overly dramatized reality featuring an unusually well-styled doctor.  Sometimes I’m not sure where the show ends and commercials for Rachel Bilson’s ShoeMint begins.  At least this episode helps with that problem because of all the racy with all these sex scenes.  But what is that are those corset-esque lace bra lingerie things Zoe keeps wearing?  Does she not have access to regular bras?

How old is this Ruby person?  She actually looks young, but I’m suspicious of any young person who has had that much botox.  The top half of her face doesn’t move… at all.

This starting to feel like a Secret Life after-school special with all this talk about Wade and Zoe sex habits.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m actual Team Wade (eh most of the time), but I just don’t think the entire town should be involved in this embarrassing discussion of Zoe declaring she’s ‘quitting’ sex with Wade, and yet doesn’t, and just keeps talking about it. It’s fairly embarrassing.

Does the CW know how to put on a show without a musical guest every other episode?  Bluebellapalooza? … They make it too easy.

I don’t quite understand how George Tucker was “Mr. Charming” and the town’s golden boy all last season.  He was even able to flirt it up with Zoe and make her swoon;  however now that he is officially single he has the knowledge of girls and game of a junior high boy.  And Wade, let’s not pretend your ‘game’ is anything more than just smiling at a girl and she’s in your bed.  This bro-bonding in the form of picking up girls is comical.  Bump, set, and spike?  A volleyball analogy? Really, Wade? And thank you George Tucker for making us all endure our first bout of second-hand embarrassment. Watching him try to pick up a girl in the bar

HAHA. I’m so glad the CW lathered Wade up in baby oil so he could answer the door glistening, shirtless in jeans.  Nicely done, that looked VERY natural…  And OF COURSE Zoe has to drive a Prius.. And that gave a great opportunity for CW’s co-sponsor BING to place an advertisement.

Best line: “I would have paid you 100 buck to not hear you say any of that.”  ME TOO Levon, I’d also pay that much to never hear Rachel Bilson say ‘boo-ya’ again.

That brings us to back to Bluebellapalooza.  First of all, I don’t even know what to say about this ‘alternative’ singer for the festival.  She’s cray and completely feeds stereotypes about crazy girls who fall for anything guys say.  And then AT the festival, what is this ‘eclectic indie crowd’ that has gathered in the TOWN SQUARE in this hick town in Alabama. Ignoring the fact that this would never happen, what kind of assembly of fake hipsters is this?

Someone needs to tell Magnolia that she is NOT Taylor Swift.  And someone needs to tell Brick that having a daughter work at the Rammer Jammer, is WAY less embarrassing than letter your TSwift-wannabe daughter dye her hair pink and blue to match her pink guitar.

I love it when Dr. Zoe Hart messes something up, and is able to save the day in the last 6 minutes of the show….. OMG wait this actually IS shocking.  I did NOT predict George Tucker/Scott Porter singing on stage. I don’t know what to say. Can someone please tell Hollywood that just because an actor is on a show, doesn’t necessarily mean he/she can act, and it definitely doesn’t indicate he/she should start a singing career! (One Tree Hill was by far the worst offender in that regard.)  Because I picked on George Tucker already quite a bit this season, I’m going to skip over critique of the actual performance… let’s just say it will be too soon if I never seeing him point at the crowd while holding a microphone.

Best part of the episode was Eli Young Band playing at an inappropriately loud volume so I didn’t even have to hear the final dialogue.  I love that I can always count on this show to provide quality cringe- and blog- worthy material.

Hart of Dixie S2E1: It’s BACK

In order to properly blog about a season premiere, I have to go back and re-read the season finale post…I’d like to apologize because upon reading it, it is very clear that I was incredibly drunk. I promise that this post will have full thoughts (unlike “Awww George.”) and a lot less of THIS –> ?!??!?!?!?!??!.

Do towns exist that actually have THIS many town functions other than Gilmore Girls of course? I think I would get incredibly sick of everyone if I had to spend that much time with them.

Okay..there have literally been zero words spoken yet this episode and I ALREADY have a photo and a comment to make. Zoe wakes up (looking perfect obviously ,because we all wake up with our hair and makeup done) and her phone is ringing.  George is calling her.  We know that it’s George because of THIS. For the record, if that photo ever popped up on my phone, I would scream, delete that person, and put them in touch with whoever has recently helped take care of Christina Ricci‘s large forehead and receding hairline.

This is HORRIFYING

Upon having sex with Wade, Zoe decides she finally “understands what R. Kelly was singing about all these years.” Wait….I am like 99% sure “Trapped in the Closet” parts 1, 2, 3 and 4 are about molesting children…what did you and Wade do? Just a note to writers – you could’ve picked any other rapper/singer to reference and done it correctly…maybe next time.

I think the Sex and the City movie was a WAY more accurate portrayal of what happens when someone leaves you at the alter than the brunch happening at Lemon’s house where she declares herself a “southern belle that will rise on her own.” Also, no real southern belle calls herself one.

Not to judge weight…but somebody’s face is looking a little round. Someone had a tasty summer…Scott Porter. It’s gotta be the food tour you went on that made your forehead grow to that size, because I am positive I would have recognized something like that earlier.  While were on the subject of appearances, did the makeup team take a Tonka truck and roll it in some “makeup” and just drive it under George’s eye?  It took me a few minutes to remember he had been punched and didn’t just have a Milky Way of zits on his face.

If they are going to have shirtless Wade fixing a car while forcing us to listen to Carrie Underwood, they could have at least shaved his chest.  Or ya know what, they didn’t even have to…but they could have just not zoomed in on it, or rather, through it.

I want to discuss how unnecessary it is to wear a tool belt. Those haven’t been necessary since Tim Allen played JTT’s dad on Home Improvement.  A tool box will suffice.  And while we’re talking about unnecessary things, why is there a gazebo in the middle of this fake gossipy town?

The foreshadowing to the catfight between Lemon and Zoe might have been more convincing had Lemon’s weapon of choice not been a cake serving spatula. Cannot even touch on the “hiiiiii-ya” kick/punch/ninja dance Zoe did in an attempt to defend herself against the cake server.

Have these writers completely given up? Interestinger is not a word. More interesting is probably your best bet on that one.

S1E22: Hart of Dixie Season Finale

Well at least we are tipped off to this OBVIOUS fake-wedding-dream sequence immediately because of the veil with 10 layers that doesn’t allow you to see the bride, and George Tucker’s awkwardly obvious sigh of relief.  I hate dream sequences.  What purpose to they serve other than to tease and mislead the audience?!?! Why spend time showing us things that aren’t going to happen? hahah I feel so sorry for Lemon if THAT is how George wakes up in the morning.

Wait wait – since when are they going through with the wedding?!!?  I thought they were just trying to work things out?

One of my biggest pet-peeves is when movies or TV shows reference romantic comedies… talk about pot calling the kettle the black.

That’s so weird that Lemon didn’t have a zit when she woke up, but she did by the time she leaves the house.  How perfectly convenient poor timing.

hahaha WADESTER… and then her rhythmic chant??  Was someone standing on the side dropping a beat?

“I’m funny, I’m fun! I can tap dance” — those things are in no way correlated, and i’m pretty sure they wouldn’t sway anyones mind into being friends with you.  Ugh. Zoe you are so clueless.  And after Wade lays is out that he just wants to sleep with you (not marry you) you FINALLY realize the sexual tension.

Aww George.

I mean. I can’t believe it took an ENTIRE season for Zoe to finally hook up with Wade and George finally realize that he likes her.  And of course that’s the cliffhanger we are left with. SO TYPICAL.

Well this was incredibly uneventful and stupid until the last minute.  At least we have the promise of next season.. unlike certain shows that were not renewed…

S1E21Hart of Dixie: The Most Unrealistic Reality-based Show

Let’s just preface this episode by saying though I reluctantly admit to being a fan of this show- I hate everyone on this show right now so much that I don’t even know who to be mad at.  They are all making the worst decisions, it’s killing me.

Okay, I’m not an expert – but isn’t appendicitis incredibly painful?  Like wouldn’t even a teenager be able to tell the difference between nervous ‘butterflies’ and one of your internal organs about to burst?  Mmmk.  And also, HOWWW is that possibly Zoe’s fault?  Not that I’m on her side, but seriously – this would have happened regardless of the lame date that Zoe talked Rose’s mom into letting her go on.

Let’s just paraphrase Wade’s awesome zinger: If you read in a book somewhere that I was an expert in migratory patterns of Zoe Hart, I suggest you contact the publisher because it’s WRONG….. mmk seriously?  Why would you say that??  A simple, I don’t know, and I couldn’t care less would have be sufficient — especially for a simple man of Wade’s status.

Why is the whole town at the “Rammer Jammer” at this awkward time of the day.  Does no one work?  And isn’t it actually a bar… who eats there on a regular basis?

Okay, so I guess I just have a problem with George Tucker, because him being back with Lemon makes my skin crawl, but then again George being with Zoe makes me angry in it’s own way.  I canNOT figure out the appeal with this guy (Jason Street, yes – weird, accent-enept George Tucker, no).

SO many good zingers this episode… next time if someone wants a friend, they can join Facebook… Good one, Z.  Okay – so also Zoe, just a little word of advice: being “friends” with someone is actually completely different than just actually having a good bedside manor.  Your solution is just straight up rude.  And now you went from not being friends with your patients, to not having an interest in them?

“Since when did it become okay to talk about private things out loud?”… Lemon, that’s by far the best thing you’ve said on this show.  I completely agree.  OH and then you had to go on and use tennis as a metaphor for sex. No comment, I’m too uncomfortable.

Okay, I have to ask how it’s possible that I’m currently watching TWO television shows (this and GCB) where there is a someone named Crickett… Like is that a common name??  How did that happen?

I honestly can’t talk about George and Lemon’s forced sex life or lack there of. Who cast them?  I can’t think of two people with LESS chemistry.  I feel like Lemon actually has more chemistry with Daddy Brick — OMG NO, woah! This is a first for me – I actually don’t think I’ve ever seen a grown adult get their head stuck between bars.  I thought once you did that as a toddler, you learned your lesson, and it never happened again. Ever.  OR that it was even physically possible.

I don’t know if the super long hiatus way back when caused me to forget key things, but I can’t for the life of me figure out who that brunette friend of Lemon’s is.  I couldn’t remember her last week at the bachelorette party, can’t remember her this week, and I don’t know why she does the weird CW ads before commercial. I do not know who she is.

ZOE, I’m going to tell you and everyone else in this town ONE time: not only are you not responsible for Rose’s appendicitis, you ABSOLUTELY did not “try to kill her.”  It’s like everyone in this show takes a sliver of fact and then decides to completely fabricate  a more dramatic story. Wow, great example – agreeing to say goodbye to everyone: Zoe takes that to mean go to the grave.  Do writers realize that these outrageous interpretations of their already absurd plot lines makes this show harder to accept than like.. Vampire Diaries.  SEriously thought – at least once you accept that Vampire Diaries is completely fictional, the storyline logically follows!!  On the other hand, this show is based in ‘reality,’ but it couldn’t be less cohesive.

Okay, it’s one thing to agree with Rose’s mom and being upset she isn’t allowed to see you – but ignoring Rose is literally just RUDE.  There is NO logical reason that you should be ignoring a 15 year old girl with appendicitis.

And then despite all the stupid inter-character drama, there is always some ridiculous small town all-encompassing event in the background.  It’s hard to keep up, so I’m not sure what’s going on with this night raid …  not sure it has any effect on anything though, so I’m okay with that.

Maybe I need to pay better attention to detail, but I also don’t remember when all of the sudden Brick is Zoe’s mentor and biggest supporter???  Furthermore – when did Zoe and her dad have just a caring relationship

Oh take notes on this one everyone: “It’s called being human. People get sick, and they even die… BUT they’re also born, AND they learn to ride a bike.”…. First of all, yes, if people are getting sick and dying – they were OBVIOUSLY born.  And then WHY is riding a bike being used a monumental life moment that makes dying work it? FIND BETTER EXAMPLES

Just going to point another complete lack of actual believability: Zoe telling her dad at the airport “BE RIGHT BACK,” scheduling an appointment with THAT GIRL (see complaint above), have a heart-to-Hart (hehe see i can be very PUNNY) talk with her new fake mentor Brick, and then make it back to the airport in any sort of fashion where she would have just missed the flight.

OMG Scenes from next week. Wow. I’m going to put false hope in that maybe not everyone on the show will piss me off in the finale!  Here’s to hoping!

PS – During this episode I was forced to watch another one of Rachel Bilson’s MAGNUM commercials…. this was upsetting on several levels, because I thought these had STOPPED EXISTING.  How did they ever convince her to do them in the first place??  It must have been a LOT of money.  They are SO weird.  In Europe, they are the equivalent of like Haagendaaz bars?