So I decided there was no show more appropriate to make my big return back to this blog than Secret Life of the American Teenager featuring GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINEE Shailene Woodley. Now since I actually have a job (hence my long absence), and it involves awards season here in LA – I’ve been forced to witness Hollywood’s misconstrued perception of the actress who portrayed George Clooney’s daughter in “The Descendants”… Because apparently NO ONE has seen the past 4 years of “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” That, or gave her a second chance (actually make like 20 second chances) and continued to make her a part of the festivities. So ignoring any serious critiques of her acting of any kinds, my biggest problem was this was her wardrobe and glam choices. I don’t even know where to start, but I will let you know that i went to some might say – extreme- measures to identify her stylist in order to ensure that no one i know would ever associate. Again, I could write a whole post questioning the team behind this girl who all felt it okay for her to (just to list a few):
![image[2]](https://waitseriouslywhookdthis.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/image2.jpeg?w=580)
3. Continually (and inappropriately) wear a bun in her hair like a grandmother (however judging from her stint as Amy Juergens, might have been strategic since she literally can never stop touching her hair)
For further evidence of her offensive parade through award season, please see below slideshow.
ALRIGHT. Now that that’s out of the way. Let’s start watching!
Why must they recap the ENTIRE last season? just give highlights from the finale. That’s all that matters. I’m already bored and annoyed.
Who is homely redhead? I already hate her…. wow. and her mom. And if my parents were this invasive of my phone calls when I was in high school, I would have thrown myself out my bedroom window. Parent listening in on both sides of the convo?? RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE. you are both doomed.
Good thing they didn’t think about changing the theme song or awkward cartoon flowers.. i would have missed that…
Is something wrong with the sound on my television, or is she purposely talking in that annoying baby voice? She sounds EXACTLY like Cassie Scerbo from Make It or Break It (which isn’t great for you readers, bc I was planning on blogging about that next, but i honestly canNOT listen to a voice like that for 2 hours straight… I’m only human.
Grace is such a slut-bag. But in other news, I’m still offended by this loser college guy who puts up with Grace. OMG. ADRIENNE CALLED 27 TIMES? ZERO GUYS, let alone college guys, would think TWICE about a girl who calls him 27 TIMES. but seriously – jokes aside. that’s not real.
ABC Family (aside from having to rewind to decide my thoughts on BUNHEADS -still TBD) you can’t just throw an entirely new crew at me. I’m already dealing with new homely redhead girl (which isn’t looking favorable) but then you introduce typical sidekicks including wanna-be Emma Robert, girl of questionable ethnic backgrounds, and spunky Asian who dies her hair pink. So much stereotype, so little time to accept.
ohhh wait i get it, they’re saving money – Alice is playing BOTH Asian parts.
FINALLY, a reasonable and normal reaction – I mean Ben’s reaction to creeper new girl showing up at his house asking why he canceled her date. My face looks like Ben’s did in that moment during this entire show.
I’m also confused about how timing is working on this show. Ricky and GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINEE Shailene Woodley, got engaged, went to a lake party, slept together, did who-knows-what all day, and THEN that night goes to their parents to talk about the engagement (I’m referring to the awkward overly personal and TMI graduation speech of Rickys) ? Seriously? Even adults who LIKE their parents wouldn’t waste that long. Much less underage high school students.
YESSSSS – I was concerned they might replace toddler John with a competent baby, but LUCKILY, mute baby John is back. He’s still my favorite. Somehow he is the only sane character on the show.
Oh no, I don’t know if I can continue watching… that “proposal” of Ricky’s somehow led GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINEE Shailene Woodley to conclude that she now”loves herself”?????? And upon confessing this to her mother (who should have an appalled reaction) Molly Ringwald over here not only agrees, but admits she TOO would like to “love herself” . I’m done. I made a mistake. I actually can’t watch this show.
OHHHH and ASHLEY brings me back. YES, I COMPLETELY AGREE. Ricky proposed to you at graduation on stage? HOW EMBARRASSING? I knew I liked Ashley for a reason. Okay teenage mother, please be the one to judge your sister’s choice in college. That’s reasonable
NOTE to teenagers: if you psychotically show up on a guy’s doorstep who canceled your date with your ‘crew’, he will NOT in fact be excited to see you much less invite you for a tour of his bedroom with 3 crew members in tow… I just want to set the record straight for the impressionable young minds out there. And “Alice” don’t act so surprised, you’ve already been in this room before. OH, and FINALLY after 4 seasons we’ve moved past the alcohol/babies/marriage triumvirate of life lessons, and only NOW do we embrace the subject of drugs… and by drugs I mean weed.
Grace somehow found a way to blame to her mom for Daniel ditching her and her dad being dead… wait and now there is another awkward Jack and Grace’s mom scene – I’m still not convinced they haven’t hooked up…
I would just like to point out that I literally knew ONE person who went to summer school while in high school… I mean I don’t understand why the creators feel the need to center a summer around going to summer school when these kids don’t ever spend any time in class ever anyways!!
Anddd of course, those fat parents walk in accusing the kids of smoking pot, as if they even knowwhat pot smells like. And then the previews promise a season of outrageous behavior as if pot is as meth. (gateway drugssss.) Thank you Secret Life. My life has be way too reasonable without you. And thank YOU, GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINEE Shailene Woodley, for still being on this incredible insignificant show, and your nomination remaining incredibly insignificant.
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