Lying Game S1E4: Sweating Issues

Emma with her birth mother, Michael Jackson

No need to rehash all of my previous blog posts, but it took me five total minutes to get through the one minute “previously on the Lying Game” segment because I literally had to pause after every scene to think to myself “who OK’d this and what is going on?” Each plot line seems even more ridiculous than when I first watched them, and I would just like to confirm upon second analysis that the birth mom in the picture is DEFINITELY Michael Jackson with a square-headed child.

We’re off to a solid start with Emma running at night and a car following her…it sounds like a prevalent theme is going to be “really Emma? Make smarter decisions.” Now, I am from a small town with virtually zero crime, and I wouldn’t choose to run alone that late at night even if I had recently purchased a fluorescent yellow tank top courtesy of American Apparel in substitute of proper blinking running attire.  Then there is Emma/Sutton who is in a new place in history of crime related to her, yet she is perfectly okay with this.  Once again, really Emma? Make better decisions.

As if I hadn’t beaten this down enough, I am going to point out the intro again.  This time my issue is – why are they holding hands?

I have set a mandate for myself per Lying Game blog posts that I will limit it to only two David Wallace references each time because honestly every time he is on the screen I could comment, but I’m avoiding overkilling this huge problem.  Good news for you, the ones I have chosen to write about are the BEST possible comments. So, we come to the scene with two of my favorite adults in these shows – Nathan Petrelli and David Wallace – because seriously, who OK’d all of this? I’m talking casting directors, producers, agents, managers, publicists, dogs, friends, family, concerned fans, anyone who could possibly have interacted with these people at one point or another.  Side note – you can guarantee that if I ever run in to one of these two fellows, they will be fully aware of my thoughts on their career choices.   Anyway, they have a scene together and I don’t know what it is about because I was so concerned with whether or not they had gone to a support group meeting before and/or after that I am positive all adults in these shows must attend for their sanity.  Because surely when David Wallace and Nathan Petrelli come together on ABC Family, there has got to be a lot of support happening. (Molly Ringwald, now that Secret Life is on hiatus, you are probably leading these groups.)  I’m guessing a typical discussion between David and Nathan centers around questions such as “where did I go wrong?” (A: leaving your primetime show), “do you think people judge me?” (A: YES), “do you think if we act really badly people will know its a joke?” (A: no, because almost no one can get over the fact that you’re even on this show.)

I don’t really need to say much, but I would like to point this out in case you missed it…A SOLO PROFILE PICTURE OF DAVID WALLACE ON SUTTON’S WALL…really? okay. (this doesn’t count as one of my David Wallace digs, this is a set design issue. Who keeps a solo picture of their living Dad, who just happens to be David Wallace, framed on your wall.  This is weird.)

Bratz Dolls...outrageously large hair and heads with anorexic bodies...great body image for young teens.

About this so-called “date” that Laurel and blonde guy go on, first there is lame music talk while she poses for a non existent sketch, then there is an awkward conversation about money. Then we come to the ultimate date showdown between Laurel and the Bratz dolls (see left) aka Mads and girl with veneers who likes blonde guy, in which blonde guy manages to out-douche himself with the gem of saying he “liked Laurel since the moment he saw her.”

You can’t really tell if Emma is having a nightmare or experiencing some sexual act of sorts, but nightmare makes more sense, because I too would have nightmares if I found out Michael Jackson was my birth mother and slept with that photo next to my head.  Also in this scene I want to make a note to the “sweat applier” in the make up department…you don’t sweat out of your dimples and the side of your mouth.

And now it’s time for my second David Wallace reference.  I am not sure which character offends me more: David Wallace, or David Wallace’s golfing glasses?  Yep, they’re back for episode number two.

I am pretty sure the issues with Nathan Petrelli’s sweaty look are not the fault of the sweat applier, but instead that of the sweat dabber on set.  Either that, or there is no air conditioning ANYWHERE and Nathan Petrelli has overactive sweat glands.  Let’s get the sweat problems under control Lying Game make up department.

In an attempt to make fun of this show, while watching I said to my friend “just because she brought you love, so what?”  30 seconds later, Laurel ACTUALLY said “you brought me love, just returning the favor.”  I don’t know if I’m more offended by myself that I predicted that exact awful line, or by the writers who OK’d that exact awful line.

I can’t take it anymore…WHO is Thayer and what does he contribute to this show? I will tell you, nothing.  As evidence by this line: “Well we know one thing about your birth mother.  She had a terrible realtor.  I mean come on, you’re in California – there’s Santa Cruz, Palm Springs, Big Sur…”  I’m not even going to warrant this comment with an ACTUAL list of the top three places to live in California – let me just reassure you that is NOT the order of the top three.

Upon episode conclusion, let’s recap what we’ve learned this time around. Michael Jackson’s character’s name is Annie Hobbs, Laurel doesn’t suck as much as she used to, David Wallace and Nathan Petrelli conspired about the adoption/birth mom issue, Rick Malambri is highly inappropriate towards a 17 year old, girl with veneers is about to derail from the troops, and finally blonde guy used to be brunette and now appears gray.

In case you need to catch up, next Monday ABC Family is having a “marathon event” of a whopping four episodes.  Followed by what looks like an offensively filled episode with some sort of school dance – one of my fav ways that shows inaccurately portray high school.

Lying Game S1 E3 – David Wallace, I see you

Lets immediately address something that I can’t really talk about again but seriously, when are they going to change the opening credits?

Then, we have the most outrageously random and terrible scene yet…the sister all dolled up playing a FIDDLE in the woods.  Just so you know, you will never draw a crowd to pack the woods with your fiddle playing

This show has now lead me to believe that if I ever find someone fiddling in the woods, I can just go up to them and engage in terrible witty banter and introduce myself 6 minutes later…then leave.

So, then we land ourselves in the hallways of Arroyo High and new guy is trying to snag Laurel by stealing her phone, taking a photo of himself looking like a big tool, and adding his number.  Not only is this the lamest/creepiest move ever, but I also haven’t seen it done since circa High School Musical 1.  It wasn’t cool then just FYI…back when Zac Efron had a gap.   I am going to hope that it is the same writer and not TWO unfortunate people who feel this is a thing that happens often and is acceptable…because it’s not.

I’m gonna go ahead and predict that at some point Ethan is going to fall in love with Emma and by fall in love I literally mean say the words “fall in love.”  See the L-word.

Rick Malambri, did your marriage survive this casting decision?

And why is Nathan Petrelli always sweating?  I know it’s set in Phoenix, but there are make up artists for that kind of stuff.  So I can only assume they have been forced into early retirement.  Probably to make room for more body oil appliers.  Which leads me to question how does one become a professional oil-applier for a pool party scene on ABC Family?  I could maybe consider this as a possible profession during my unemployment, but I don’t know that there are openings because whoever oiled up Justin did a great job.

David Wallace if I wasn’t ignoring everything that you said because you are David Wallace I would be offended by the comment  “What kind of bike (motorcycle) do you have Ethan? I used to have a Vespa, back when I was interning in LA.”

Where did someone even find these? Much less, have David Wallace wear them??

However, since I am still trying to get past the fact that you are even in this show, I can’t address this comment at this time.  Cut to 20 minutes later…you are killing me.  I now HAVE to acknowledge you.  But see, now I am in a dilemma because now that I want to say something, I literally cannot find the words to express my feelings about these “sunglasses.”

I also really want to comment on the haircuts/hairstyles that Emma/Sutton are sporting.  But truly nothing is more offensive than the Hudg haircut that is currently going on in society.  So congratulations hairstylists over at The Lying Game…you get a free pass until further notice.

I also need to say that the relationship with Justin and Laurel is super relatable.  I often meet people in the woods while their fiddling, and stumble upon them at my high school.  Aren’t there people on the set of this show or in the writer’s room to check the accuracy of plot lines?  Another possible job opportunity for me considering there is no plausible way that these people still have jobs.

I can’t seem to appreciate the fact that they now have a picture of their mother because at first I thought it was Michael Jackson.  So much so that it literally freaked me out and I had to turn away so I don’t know what is going on with that situation.

This is actually the longest hour of television of my life and each week tops the last, I cannot wait for the season finale and the epic awfulness.

The Lying Game Pilot

Starring Alexandra Chando... twice

End of summer….new series: The Lying Game

Lets start this off by saying, unlike some advertising strategies, The Lying Game decided to hound ABC Family viewers with “sneak peeks” of the pilot throughout our regularly watched programs, which was not enticing but instead incredibly annoying as was confirmed at the end of the episode when I had already seen the entire thing…in piece form.

Considering that one actress playing twins has really not been successful since Lindsay Lohan circa Parent Trap…you really spend zero time with one twin (Sutton) before she disappears, therefore leaving little to the imagination.  However, at the end of the episode there really is just one personality to play (Emma).  With that being said, I highly recommend the drinking game called “drink every time Emma fails to act like Sutton.”  You will not remember the end, as I did not.

Being that this is a brand new show, one with potential, here is a quick plot summary courtesy of me since IMDB doesn’t have one: Twins Emma and Sutton are separated at birth only to be reunited at age 16.  Sutton goes missing and Emma must take her place. MUST.

Pilot

I’m gonna go ahead and give the creators of this show credit for setting up the plot quickly and efficiently without bogging us down with too many boring details – we get the gist: twins reunited, looking for parents.  Brief moment of compliment gone as soon as the opening credits run.

Seriously, who ok’d the “twins” sunbathing in a pool with sunglasses on while holding hands?  That literally has zero to do with the show. And by the way, why are you in bikinis? I honestly think the creator of the opening credits had no idea what the premise of the show was.  Furthermore, did the composer of the music see the images?  Because again, no connection.

Anyway continuing on, I was quickly troubled by the familiarity of the actor who play’s Sutton Mercer’s dad.  I had to pause and eventually look it up only to find that this unbelievably familiar face was that of David Wallace on The Office – yes, I was just as shocked as you.  Because surely, one does not leavea show like The Office in hopes of really making it on ABC Family.

David Wallace/Ted Mercer

My next issue with this show came a mere six minutes in.  Where I was confronted with two recycled ABC Family actresses.  One from Kyle XY and one who recently was killed off Make It or Break It.  Being that I am over 14 years old, this wasn’t that big of an issue for me, but for those younger, it could be quite confusing.  I wonder how one secures a spot in ABC Family for life…that must have been what David Wallace was trying to do.

Again I amgong to ask..did the person who picked the music actually see the show? Not that anyone hates a good old Taylor Swift love song in regards to their journey to find their long lost twin.  Nor can I complain against a playlist of summer’s most popular songs, but there were definitely some more appropriate songs out there.

Students wearing inappropriate clothing

Also, who ok’d a plot line where NO ONE, not parents or sisters or boyfriends or friends, notice an entirely different person.  At least Emma had Sutton’s computer to learn every detail of Sutton’s life.  I didn’t know Apple had come out with a program that enables someone to completely impersonate someone else’s life.

Oh weird…bikinis again?  Yeah that’s a shout out to you pervy creators.

Blair Redford

It’s only when the magic computer is stolen from Sutton’s room that someone realizes Emma isn’t Sutton.  That person being Ethan (Blair Redford) who claims to be Sutton’s real, but secret, boyfriend, although he may have confused some of you as some creepy father figure stalking her (see Adults Playing Teens).  He says that “you may look like her, but you don’t kiss like her” (smooth line) and that’s how he figured it out.

Overall, the show has some good things going for it and a promising future, if you ignore the fact that it is completely outrageous and unrealistic.  But, hey Pretty Little Liars needed some competition.